Drunken Omelette

We posted this photo of Human Failure Chris Rix for all of you who found us while searching for photos of shirtless quarterbacks. Yes, because we hate you.

Sorry for the sudden AWOL again, but recovery from the (repeated) night of the storms has taken longer than we expected.

We would like to give a little bit of hollah back to Roll Bama Roll, which gave us linkage that greatly enhanced our sight hittage — even well beyond Keyshawn scarf levels. Gentlemen, what you have done for this half-assed sports blog is so important that we will not even question for one nanosecond why you’re having a kind of creepy competition to judge which celebrichick is hotter*.

As for the rest of you non-Alabama fans who read said half-assed sports blog, we think you have some real problems surprisingly not related to reading this half-assed sports blog.

You see, we’ve been scanning over the search items that link people to this site and unfortunately we’ve left the halcyon wholesome days of Keyshawn and his aforementioned goofy desert scarf.

Here’s a few of the reasons why we feel like we need to spray off with a hose:

“Kyle Boller ex-girlfriend”: We’ve long been of the opinion that God hates Kyle Boller, and maybe that’s why you ended up clicking here.

But in background researching why you might search for “Kyle Boller ex-girlfriend” we found this interesting relic from ESPN’s smelly hot failure to make sports fans care about celebricrap.

Kyle Boller was just another stop on Tara Reid’s merry-go-round.

Tara Reid also used to date Tom Brady and Carson Palmer. Thus, Kyle Boller being with her was the closest he will ever come to winning a Super Bowl and sucking even harder.

“I believe in jeans that are comfortable. I believe in jeans that are tough. I believe in … taking my shirt off ….” 

“Brett Favre shirtless”: We understand the appeal of Brett Favre, ladies. We really do.

He’s had some problems sure, he was kind of a bad buy with the drinking and the pills or whatever, but he’s good at heart. All he wants to do is play football — sweet, body sculpting, sweaty-smelling football.

But really, did you think you’d find that a place called Drunken Omelette? Does that imply sculpted or even sweaty to you?

Accent, though? Maybe if there’s emphasis on the drunken part.

“Prelude to blasphemy …. YAAAAAY!”

“Dana Jacobson”: This one we actually find amusing because it is the most consistent hit monster we have on the site, really.

We’re really proud of Dana Jacobson getting drunk and saying something that rhymes with “Truck Please-Us” in front of Charlie Weis, if only because of what it did to support the sports blog industry**. If it wasn’t for you, sugar, we’d be all wrapped up in Richard Zednik almost bleeding out on the ice and the cold grip of the football office and the approach of the Arena League preseason — fates only slightly less worse than bleeding out on the ice.

So thanks again, Dana. We think of your drunken rant every time we watch First Take, which is why we wish it didn’t suck so much.

“Eli Manning shirtless” and “John Parker Wilson shirtless”: We’re not going to credit these with a response.

“Tressel wrestling”, “shirtless wrestling”, and “Rich Rodriguez shirtless”:  Could this be a sign that Terrelle Pryor is following through with our favorite decision-making scenario?

“Irish men”: Actually, depending on how you interpret it, we’re sort of flattered by this …

No … Suit … !

“Mike Nolan shirtless”: Ew. Really?

Weirrrrrrd.

“Fond of wifeswapping”: No thanks, but you go on ….

“Black guy”: RACIST!

“Cuckholding”:

Sorry Rex.

“Things to make you vomit”: Thank you for visiting our blog

The battle is nigh …

“Falcons in war fighting eagles birds”:  OK. We’re actually impressed this one, because it sounds awesome.

Good work, people.

*Creepy because the easy answer is Rachel McAdams. Hands down. Why prolong it? We will fight you shirtless over this.
**Even though we don’t actually make any money of this blog … so screw you.