Drunken Omelette

We posted this photo of Human Failure Chris Rix for all of you who found us while searching for photos of shirtless quarterbacks. Yes, because we hate you.

Sorry for the sudden AWOL again, but recovery from the (repeated) night of the storms has taken longer than we expected.

We would like to give a little bit of hollah back to Roll Bama Roll, which gave us linkage that greatly enhanced our sight hittage — even well beyond Keyshawn scarf levels. Gentlemen, what you have done for this half-assed sports blog is so important that we will not even question for one nanosecond why you’re having a kind of creepy competition to judge which celebrichick is hotter*.

As for the rest of you non-Alabama fans who read said half-assed sports blog, we think you have some real problems surprisingly not related to reading this half-assed sports blog.

You see, we’ve been scanning over the search items that link people to this site and unfortunately we’ve left the halcyon wholesome days of Keyshawn and his aforementioned goofy desert scarf.

Here’s a few of the reasons why we feel like we need to spray off with a hose:

“Kyle Boller ex-girlfriend”: We’ve long been of the opinion that God hates Kyle Boller, and maybe that’s why you ended up clicking here. (more…)

The Giants’ game plan for defending Randy Moss.

That’s right: I have a valid reason to post a photo of vomit.
From ESPN.com:

But not all Giants were in the right colors, with some players turning green as a flu ripped through the team. Cornerback Aaron Ross caught something over the weekend and got sick on the plane, causing a one-hour delay upon departure from Newark-Liberty International Airport on Monday, until the mess was cleaned up.

That’s right, you just cost the team one hour they could be plotting in futility to stop the Great New England Killing Machine. One hour. Way to go.

You’d better hope we don’t run out of trombone lubricant to for Sam Madison’s knees.

Saban: ‘Don’t make me kill him. Please.’

Vaguely Irish men come to Tuscaloosa, talk with domineering little person.
Nick Saban whittled down our list of Alabama offensive coordinator candidates by talking to the likelies, Rutgers OC John McNulty and Fresno OC Jim McElwain. Some say McNulty is unlikely to take the job.

Aside from what the papers tell us Saban has spoken to two guys, we dare not predict how The Saban shall hire, lest he reach up and tear off our jaw with one supple motion of his doll-like hands.

We do, however, favor McElwain after doing a little more research(basically, reading this story about him turning down the Eastern Washington University job). McElwain reinvigorated the Fresn-O with a pro-style attack that mixed numerous looks and an assortment of formations while rehabbing a quarterback who played as recklessly as a drunken monkey with a shotgun a year earlier. That seems to fit what Saban wants to do with the Alabama O, especially solving the Tide’s own drunken monkey with a shotgun problem. (more…)

He answered the guidance counselor’s phone calls real good.
Paul Rhoads was sworn in as The Barn’s new defensive coordinator on Friday. According to the Press-Register, Tubby showed his management acumen by hiring a man with a resume achievement shared only with thousands of high school seniors each year — he was valedictorian:

I do enjoy the educational process, and that’s true today with football. I think the educational process in coaching is ongoing. It takes place every day. It’s one of the things that drives me on a daily basis to become a better football coach.

The immediate Barner response on P-R’s blog talkbacks: “I like this man!!”

Hypothetical: Paul Rhoads enters the press conference, the smell of whiskey, fowl and Dave Wannstedt pollutes the air making the press gag. Painted around his mouth is a kaleidoscope of blood, feathers and eagle bile. In his hand his the hollowed carcass of “Nova”, War Eagle VII. He proclaims, “I like tasty raw bird. Me was not fed these daily in Pizz-Borg.”

Scree! Sweet death at last! Scree!

Then, the first talkback poster on al.com would say:

…

I like this man!!

This post has been brought to you by Drunken Omelette’s Center for “Objective” Bashing of One’s Rival Team By Using New Stereotypes.

COBORTUNS: Because Barners like anyone who works at Auburn … except Al Borges 2005-2007. (more…)