Drunken Omelette

Today’s ‘We’re still alive’ post is brought to you by the Taco Bell chihuahua, who, unlike us, is dead.

A lot of things happened while we were out saving souls, feeding poor kids, and making love to beautiful women who we saved from racist biker gangs plotting to kill the president and aforementioned poor kids and crazy, intolerant Ricin-dirty bomb plot.*

In the meantime, a lot of things happened. First of all, WordPress — our fine, presumptuously left-wing, elitist, hippie electronic enablers — decided to change our posting interface to something that, while less aesthetically pleasing, is so much more intuitive and helpful.

You may not understand this, fair blog reader looking for cuckholding p0rn, but we assure you that one of the holdups in ending our brief sabbatical was taking in all this new helpfulness and pretty.

Wonder what else is going on? Hope nothing else big happened while …

Whoops.

Chris Henry allegedly acted a fool again, got frickin’ cut.
Oh, oh my. Um, yeah. (more…)

We posted this photo of Human Failure Chris Rix for all of you who found us while searching for photos of shirtless quarterbacks. Yes, because we hate you.

Sorry for the sudden AWOL again, but recovery from the (repeated) night of the storms has taken longer than we expected.

We would like to give a little bit of hollah back to Roll Bama Roll, which gave us linkage that greatly enhanced our sight hittage — even well beyond Keyshawn scarf levels. Gentlemen, what you have done for this half-assed sports blog is so important that we will not even question for one nanosecond why you’re having a kind of creepy competition to judge which celebrichick is hotter*.

As for the rest of you non-Alabama fans who read said half-assed sports blog, we think you have some real problems surprisingly not related to reading this half-assed sports blog.

You see, we’ve been scanning over the search items that link people to this site and unfortunately we’ve left the halcyon wholesome days of Keyshawn and his aforementioned goofy desert scarf.

Here’s a few of the reasons why we feel like we need to spray off with a hose:

“Kyle Boller ex-girlfriend”: We’ve long been of the opinion that God hates Kyle Boller, and maybe that’s why you ended up clicking here. (more…)

For all six of you who have read this blog since its wet, gooey birth last week: You may have noticed I post at strange times (1 a.m.) on strange days (the weekend). This is apt to continue, though I’ll try to average a couple posts a day from here on out. If you actually want to read this crap on a consistent basis, well, this blog shall most likely be evening reading.

Also, we’re still tweaking the (templatastic) design and features here, though I expect those to congeal into consistency within the next few weeks.

Coming up this week, though:

• Wild, semi-libelous speculation on Alabama’s offensive coordinator search.
• Wild, semi-libelous speculation on the impact of the SEC  West’s new assistants.
• Wild, semi-libelous slander.

Again, thanks for reading. Hopefully there will be more of you soon.

-The Omeletteer.

So this is the blog’s first post.

…

Yeah, that’s about right.

Well, here’s the mission statement: I’m a virulent football addict with a tendency for moody sarcasm. I can talk other sports, too, but college ball and the sausage making of the NFL is where I’d like to live.

I have been a fan of the University of Alabama and, in weaker moments, an approve-r of Auburn. But because I prefer practical thinking and smart writing (though I rarely produce either), I keep my homerism to a minimum.

(I do think the SEC is the best football conference in the land, but that’s because the Big Ten’s slow and boring, the Pac-10 doesn’t play defense, the Big 12 and Big East are too inconsistent, the ACC is like watching a mudfight between large, blind, inept possums, and the big guys keep the other conferences from ever getting the right pieces together. Damned if we can’t groom a decent NFL quarterback not named Manning, though.)

A lot of my stuff will be commentary, some of it will satire. A small slice of it won’t be sports-related at all, but sometimes you need a palate cleanser when the good brew is exhausted and you find yourself chasing Cheetos with Bud Light.

(It just happens.)

For more lowdown on this blog’s existence and its cute name, click here. Otherwise, enjoy the blog and thanks for coming.