Drunken Omelette

Today’s bracket breakdown is brought to you by Ween, whose music you may remember from … um … uh, ever seen Road Trip? You know that part where they go shopping at the Target?
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Ah, screw it. Ween sucks anyway.

We continue or study of the bracket cutting among America’s youth with a quick and even dirtier dissection of the Western bracket matchups.

Rick James was dead when we found him.

No. 1 UCLA versus No. 16 Mississippi Valley State
So Mississippi Valley State, you’re in the tournament, huh? Must make feel really good to be invited to the Big Dance, huh?

Well, let us ask you this:

You ever had a lead pipe shoved through your teeth into the back of your throat, then had someone pipe in carbon monoxide gas until you just let the pain just faaaaade away … ?

Well … see you Thursday. (more…)

Oh, crap.
Richard Zednik of the Florida Hockey-Panthers is in stable condition after having his throat slashed open by a skate in his team’s 5-3 loss to the (really unfortunately named) Buffalo Sabres last night. Zednik reacted quickly, putting pressure on his apparently severed jugular vein while skating over to a team trainer.

We are not fans of the hockey, though this is not why. We’re glad to hear this fella is all right, but we have to wonder how something like this doesn’t happen more often, even if the folks on skates are (semi-)trained professionals.

This is why we prefer a support like football, where you only have an 80 percent chance of being killed on field:

Mmm. Safety.

JULIO! JULIO! JULIO!
We apologize for our prolonged absence, but we were distracted by issues caused by the massive, deadly tornado that ripped up much of the Mid-South early last week.

But while most of the blogosphere has put the recruiting to the bed, we will now give you our first of our delayed reactions: (more…)

“Yessss, yessss … fight for my love … my sweet, precious love …”

Terrelle Pryor, the Class of 2008’s hottest, tallest, most Vince Youngish quarterback, says it’s “50-50″ whether he will make a decision on a school on Wednesday’s National Signing Day, giving ample time for Ohio State and Michigan fans to ignite a flame war that could consume the entire Internet and also involve actual flames*.

He might take a trip to Oregon. He might not.

He might only want to play in the spread. He might not.

He might not. (more…)

Jay Paterno has denied interest in becoming Alabama’s OC.

Alabama’s offensive coordinator search has turned out a lot like Cloverfield. It’s an interesting concept spinning from a brand name creator, whose early hype is fed by Internet speculation by some young dude(s) on a blog.

There’s a bunch of zany ideas about what the big reveal is going to be (Cthulhu? Norm Chow?), but ultimately it’s just going to be a pretty straightforward ride that’ll probably elicit a lot of complaints about character, flash and point with much of the actual how going on off-screen.

Here’s a look at the candidates: (more…)

He answered the guidance counselor’s phone calls real good.
Paul Rhoads was sworn in as The Barn’s new defensive coordinator on Friday. According to the Press-Register, Tubby showed his management acumen by hiring a man with a resume achievement shared only with thousands of high school seniors each year — he was valedictorian:

I do enjoy the educational process, and that’s true today with football. I think the educational process in coaching is ongoing. It takes place every day. It’s one of the things that drives me on a daily basis to become a better football coach.

The immediate Barner response on P-R’s blog talkbacks: “I like this man!!”

Hypothetical: Paul Rhoads enters the press conference, the smell of whiskey, fowl and Dave Wannstedt pollutes the air making the press gag. Painted around his mouth is a kaleidoscope of blood, feathers and eagle bile. In his hand his the hollowed carcass of “Nova”, War Eagle VII. He proclaims, “I like tasty raw bird. Me was not fed these daily in Pizz-Borg.”

Scree! Sweet death at last! Scree!

Then, the first talkback poster on al.com would say:

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I like this man!!

This post has been brought to you by Drunken Omelette’s Center for “Objective” Bashing of One’s Rival Team By Using New Stereotypes.

COBORTUNS: Because Barners like anyone who works at Auburn … except Al Borges 2005-2007. (more…)