Drunken Omelette

None of your damned business.

Do not mess with the woman who makes the Volunteer nation endure powder blue striping — and like it.
Pat Summitt does not want to answer questions about the UConn coach. Her relationship with the UConn coach is what it is. Stop asking Evil Female Bear Bryant questions, silly ESPN reporters, or you will get mention of your verbal beatdown in a Tennessean story that can be viewed here.

More importantly, you prompt this woman’s awful talkback response that we will never ever be able to wash from our minds: (more…)

We posted this photo of Human Failure Chris Rix for all of you who found us while searching for photos of shirtless quarterbacks. Yes, because we hate you.

Sorry for the sudden AWOL again, but recovery from the (repeated) night of the storms has taken longer than we expected.

We would like to give a little bit of hollah back to Roll Bama Roll, which gave us linkage that greatly enhanced our sight hittage — even well beyond Keyshawn scarf levels. Gentlemen, what you have done for this half-assed sports blog is so important that we will not even question for one nanosecond why you’re having a kind of creepy competition to judge which celebrichick is hotter*.

As for the rest of you non-Alabama fans who read said half-assed sports blog, we think you have some real problems surprisingly not related to reading this half-assed sports blog.

You see, we’ve been scanning over the search items that link people to this site and unfortunately we’ve left the halcyon wholesome days of Keyshawn and his aforementioned goofy desert scarf.

Here’s a few of the reasons why we feel like we need to spray off with a hose:

“Kyle Boller ex-girlfriend”: We’ve long been of the opinion that God hates Kyle Boller, and maybe that’s why you ended up clicking here. (more…)

Oh, crap.
Richard Zednik of the Florida Hockey-Panthers is in stable condition after having his throat slashed open by a skate in his team’s 5-3 loss to the (really unfortunately named) Buffalo Sabres last night. Zednik reacted quickly, putting pressure on his apparently severed jugular vein while skating over to a team trainer.

We are not fans of the hockey, though this is not why. We’re glad to hear this fella is all right, but we have to wonder how something like this doesn’t happen more often, even if the folks on skates are (semi-)trained professionals.

This is why we prefer a support like football, where you only have an 80 percent chance of being killed on field:

Mmm. Safety.

JULIO! JULIO! JULIO!
We apologize for our prolonged absence, but we were distracted by issues caused by the massive, deadly tornado that ripped up much of the Mid-South early last week.

But while most of the blogosphere has put the recruiting to the bed, we will now give you our first of our delayed reactions: (more…)

“Yessss, yessss … fight for my love … my sweet, precious love …”

Terrelle Pryor, the Class of 2008’s hottest, tallest, most Vince Youngish quarterback, says it’s “50-50″ whether he will make a decision on a school on Wednesday’s National Signing Day, giving ample time for Ohio State and Michigan fans to ignite a flame war that could consume the entire Internet and also involve actual flames*.

He might take a trip to Oregon. He might not.

He might only want to play in the spread. He might not.

He might not. (more…)